The Magic Toot: From Mozart & More to Big Balls
Over the past week, many pundits have clutched their pearls at the revelation that some of Elon Musk’s DOGE genius squad of 18- to 24-year-olds have been guilty of publishing crude tweets during their two-odd decades of life. One member of the DOGE team, Edward Coristine, once reportedly went by the username “big balls,” which helped bring about what Elon Musk called the “best chyron ever:”
But this is nothing new – and while this is technically not a “history repeating itself,” it is a statement that young, male prodigies have never been exempt from the crass humor that is rife among their compatriots – with the foremost example being arguably the best composer of all time, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.
From Opera to Obscenities
There is an old theory that celebrities are stuck at the age at which they achieve fame. For Mozart, this would have been at five years old, when he was presented to the Austrian court as a musical prodigy and performed for Empress Maria Theresa.
But while Mozart undoubtedly matured past the age of five, he did maintain a sense of puerile humor that appeals to most kindergartners. Some of this was displayed in his prolific letter-writing, such as the letters sent to his cousin, Maria Anna Thekla Mozart – known as Bäsle.
For example, one letter begins:
“Before I start writing to you, I have to go to the john …Well, now, that’s over with! Ah!—now my heart feels so much lighter again!—it’s like a big stone is off my chest!”
Mozart was just 21 when he penned the note. In another, he wrote, “I now wish you goodnight. Sh*t in your bed with all your might, sleep with peace in your mind and try to kiss your own behind.”1
As noted by Mozart expert Robert Spaethling, via The Huffington Post:
“There were twelve of these [Bäsle] letters, of which nine are extant. Eight are drenched in scatalogical play. The exception is, in all likelihood, a sincere attempt to convince Bäsle that they need to stop engaging in the kind of sexual deviance described in the previous letters and instead concentrate on friendship. No doubt, the rest of the Mozart family supported this approach.”
Bäsle was not the only person to receive such puerile correspondence. Historian Benjamin Simkin went through Mozart’s letters to tally the number of times he engaged in crass humor. The totals are:
20 times to his father Leopold.
6 to his wife Constanze.
6 to his cousin.
4 to his sister.
1 to his mother.
A number of times to a selection of various acquaintances.2
Mozart also employed his bawdy humor in some of his musical works. For example, K.231 "Leck mich im Arsch" (loosely translated to "Kiss my A**") consists of a six-voice party piece riffing on a traditional Christmas carol. It replaces the usual seasonal cheer with an enthusiastic barrage of "Kiss my a**, quick-quick!" Not exactly what one expects from the composer of Don Giovanni.
It was far from his only crude song. "Bei der Hitz im Sommer ess’ ich" (K.234), which translates roughly to "In the heat of the summer, I eat," is a song about the joys of flatulence. The song’s protagonist eats roots, spices, butter, and radishes because they "expel a lovely wind" and "cool him.”3
Mozart scholars and enthusiasts have tried to explain his puerile humor with deeper explanations, such as Tourette Syndrome or coprophilia. Even famed psychologist Sigmund Freud was tasked with finding a cause for Mozart’s crass writings, though he appeared to disagree with any deeper diagnosis.
Mozart biographer David Schroder hypothesized that the passage of time has “[forced] us to misread his scatological letters even more drastically than his other letters. Very simply, these letters embarrass us, and we have tried to suppress them, trivialise [sic] them, or explain them out of the epistolary canon with pathological excuses.”4
But there is one thing that should be noted: it is unlikely, despite the portrayals in movies such as Amadeus, that Mozart was unable to behave himself when in elite circles. He was coached by his father from a young age to expect to mingle with aristocrats, and it is doubtful that such behavior would have been tolerated or noted in contemporary accounts – unlike with Beethoven, where it is well-documented that he alienated many members of court.
Moreover, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of letters written by Mozart that are free from the crassness that grabs headlines – see Project Gutenberg’s volumes on his correspondence for evidence of a brilliant mind, sans toilet humor.
You’ll Never Wipe Alone
Though Mozart is one of the best examples of a young and brilliant man with a sometimes tasteless sense of humor, he is not alone. Picasso drew “a sketch of two donkeys in flagrante” when he was 12-years-old.5
When Voltaire was a teenager, he wrote a satirical poem that accused Philippe II, Duke of Orléans, of an incestuous relationship with his daughter. This resulted in his eleven-month imprisonment in the Bastille and, anxious to distance himself from this controversy, was the catalyst for the adoption of his famous pen name.6
Some greats maintained their crass humor well into adulthood, such as Benjamin Franklin, who published essays such as “Fart Proudly” and explained the benefits of bedding older women, via the Founder’s Archives:
“Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever.”
This is not to say that such crass humor is a sign of greatness. But this is to say that even the greatest minds in art, music, philosophy, and more were not immune from infantile jokes and writings.
Conclusion
It remains to be seen how Musk’s task force of young hackers and whiz kids will navigate their task to trim the government – especially facing the intense criticism from the left. Part of this is their allegiance to Musk, who has replaced Trump as the Democrats’ biggest bogeyman du jour. But detractors have also called on their crassness as evidence of misogyny and male privilege.
And perhaps it is. The Doge Kids are generally shrouded in mystery, and the jury is out. Or perhaps it is just a phase that millions of young men have gone through before – even the brilliant ones.
https://historycollection.com/10-weird-and-wonderful-love-letters-from-the-past/
https://professionalmoron.com/2016/04/10/mozart-and-scatological-humour/
https://volodymyrbilyk.medium.com/wolfgang-amadeus-mozart-the-jokerman-ec68162a8fff
Schroeder, David P. (1999). Mozart in Revolt: Strategies of Resistance, Mischief, and Deception. New Haven: Yale University Press.
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